1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:01,359 15 seconds. 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,280 VTR 1660, part 1, take 1. 3 00:00:09,580 --> 00:00:10,580 15 seconds. 4 00:00:42,980 --> 00:00:43,980 Huh? 5 00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:50,380 Mr. Evans? 6 00:00:50,940 --> 00:00:51,940 Mr. Teller? 7 00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:53,580 Mr. Evans? 8 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,140 Mr. Evans! 9 00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:56,640 Oh, is that you, Sid? 10 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:00,880 Oh, no, it's just I. I'm Carter, milk marketing board. I'm come to inspect 11 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:01,739 dairy equipment. 12 00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:02,419 Oh, yeah. 13 00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:03,500 We were expecting you. 14 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,720 Oh, good. 15 00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:05,779 Victor Evans. 16 00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:07,160 How do you do? How do you do? 17 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,820 Do you usually sleep in a barrel? 18 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,040 Huh? 19 00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:12,220 No. 20 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,280 Oh, I must have had more than I thought last night. 21 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:18,660 Give me a hand, help me. 22 00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:25,440 Oh, my 23 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,240 head. Never again. 24 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,100 You've been looking on the wine minute as red, eh? Yeah, and every other 25 00:01:31,860 --> 00:01:35,660 Are the pubs always open all day on market day, then? Oh, yes, they're 26 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:36,660 folk, you know, farmers. 27 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:37,899 Well, it's incredible. 28 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:40,980 I haven't seen drinking like that since our chapel out into Pookelly. 29 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,220 What do you think of market day in Fletchley? 30 00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:45,260 Why is that an agricultural drinking? 31 00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:47,460 Did you manage to get anything? 32 00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:48,700 No, not last night. 33 00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:50,960 But I got a promise for Friday from the bird in the chip shop. 34 00:01:53,220 --> 00:01:57,020 I was referring to the purchase of animal livestock, not your sex life. Oh. 35 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,820 Yeah, we did get something. Let me think. Oh, yeah, we've got a new heifer. 36 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,160 Oh, I'm glad you're increasing your stock. 37 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,020 Where is the heifer? 38 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,900 My partner, Mr. Turner, is looking after it. 39 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,440 Where's Mr. Turner? 40 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:12,840 That's the point, isn't it? 41 00:02:30,170 --> 00:02:31,450 God, stone me. 42 00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:34,730 Count Dracula, I presume. 43 00:02:36,550 --> 00:02:37,670 You may be right. 44 00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:39,730 I feel more dead than alive. 45 00:02:40,190 --> 00:02:41,890 What are you doing in there? 46 00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:44,670 Suffering from cramp. Would you mind helping me out? 47 00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:49,310 How did you get in there? 48 00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:50,870 That's a very good question. 49 00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:52,670 I don't remember. 50 00:02:54,030 --> 00:02:56,170 Do you remember anything about last night? 51 00:02:57,630 --> 00:02:59,210 I've only just remembered who I am. 52 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:01,380 Well, it's not very surprising. 53 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,080 He'd had a skimful when he came in here yesterday. 54 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:05,520 What makes you say that? 55 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,700 Well, in the first place, you came in here with a freezing effort. 56 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,240 And for a second, you ordered it a meat pie and a pint of bitter. 57 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,860 Oh, yes, I remember. 58 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,940 And you said we don't serve cows in here. 59 00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:19,299 That's right. 60 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,280 And that woman misunderstood you and belted her with her handbag, didn't she? 61 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,140 You remember that, then? 62 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,040 Yeah, but the rest of it's a complete block. 63 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:33,209 Hello. 64 00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:38,330 Where are my shoes? 65 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:40,790 Somebody's pinched me brown brogues. 66 00:03:41,230 --> 00:03:45,450 Nobody's pinched you brown brogues. You did a deal with old Tom Nelson last 67 00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:46,450 night, don't you remember? 68 00:03:46,490 --> 00:03:50,690 Deal? Yeah, he took a fancy to your brown brogues and you insisted on 69 00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:52,970 footwear. So he's got my shoes? 70 00:03:53,210 --> 00:03:54,210 Yeah. What did I get? 71 00:03:57,990 --> 00:03:58,990 These. 72 00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:06,810 I must have been in a right state. I must have changed my bros for these 73 00:04:06,810 --> 00:04:09,050 cashiered clod of us. And five pounds. 74 00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:10,770 Hang on. 75 00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:12,550 Uh, clogs and five pounds. 76 00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:15,170 Oh, well, it's not so bad if you paid me five pounds as well. No, no, no, no. 77 00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:16,649 You paid him five pounds. 78 00:04:17,810 --> 00:04:20,190 Well, you seem to be quite happy with the arrangement last night. 79 00:04:20,670 --> 00:04:21,990 That's the trouble. I was too happy. 80 00:04:23,810 --> 00:04:25,390 Well, I must have put them on. 81 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,450 Oh, shut up, they're heavy, you know that? 82 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:43,430 I'd hate to fall in the river with these on. 83 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:48,130 Oh, Tom, we've just talked to you. 84 00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:50,370 Morning, Dad. 85 00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:51,770 Morning, Sid. 86 00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:57,210 Got your shoes on? 87 00:04:57,670 --> 00:04:58,850 Oh, very nice. 88 00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:00,210 How are the clogs, then? 89 00:05:00,570 --> 00:05:02,570 Oh, they're very good, as long as I don't try to walk. 90 00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:04,390 Yeah, they'll get you stuck inside. 91 00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:06,930 Oh, they're a very sturdy shoe, the clog. 92 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,390 Sturdy? 93 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:10,710 It's lethal. 94 00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:13,530 One of Nobby Stiles knows about these. 95 00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:17,330 Well, I brought it, Sid. 96 00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:18,570 Brought what? 97 00:05:18,810 --> 00:05:23,070 Don't tell me you've forgotten about our little deal last night. Oh, not another 98 00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:24,610 one. Oh, yeah. 99 00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:26,770 What'd I do this time? 100 00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:28,510 Don't you remember? 101 00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:30,370 No. You exchanged your new effort. 102 00:05:30,950 --> 00:05:32,230 Exchange a new effort? What for? 103 00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:44,220 Will the real Tom Nelson stand up, please? 104 00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:48,460 Come on. 105 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,480 Come on, get out of the way, girls. Go on, up it. 106 00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:52,959 Get in there. 107 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:53,899 That's it. 108 00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:56,320 You stay there, because I'm going to break the news to Victor. 109 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,160 That's it. 110 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,920 Oh, shut up. 111 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,360 Nag, nag, nag. 112 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,470 You're psychic. 113 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,950 Where did you get those clothes? 114 00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,910 I'm breaking them in for Nureyev. 115 00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,270 Sorry I asked. 116 00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:25,910 Oh, God. 117 00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:27,770 You got a hangover, Sid? 118 00:06:28,270 --> 00:06:31,830 I have got a bigger hangover than Barbara Windsor in a bikini. 119 00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,590 Well, I've got just the thing for you, then. 120 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:35,830 Here you are. 121 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:41,050 You try a drop of this, Sidney. What is it? This is an old Welsh tonic. 122 00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,790 It's called Druid's Fluid. 123 00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:46,410 I'm not having that. It's green. 124 00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:47,649 Now, go on. 125 00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:50,470 I'll give you new leaps of life, this will. They say they're on two pints of 126 00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:53,470 this. They built Stonehenge. Smells funny, doesn't it? It's not for the 127 00:06:53,470 --> 00:06:54,730 It's for the drinking. Come on, get it down. 128 00:06:55,090 --> 00:06:58,470 Hold your nose. I'm holding my nose. Hold your nose. Close your eyes. Open 129 00:06:58,470 --> 00:06:59,470 mouth. Down it goes. 130 00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:11,310 But they say in Wales you can't drink this unless you name your next of kin. 131 00:07:12,770 --> 00:07:17,370 Come on, stop pulling a face, Sid. We had a good day yesterday, didn't we? 132 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,370 we had a very good day yesterday. 133 00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:20,590 You know that new effer we bought? 134 00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:24,450 Oh, she was a bargain, Sid. Well worth 85 quid. 135 00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:32,070 85 quid we paid? Yeah, every spare penny we had. Now cheer up, Sid. It's money 136 00:07:32,070 --> 00:07:34,450 well spent, you see. It's an investment for the future. 137 00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:37,430 Do you think we really need a new effer? 138 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,670 Look, we've got to increase our livestock. 139 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:43,570 Yeah, well, I've been giving us a great deal of very careful consideration, and 140 00:07:43,570 --> 00:07:46,450 I've been thinking about it, and I think we should diversify. 141 00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:48,470 Go in for all kinds of other animals. 142 00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:49,489 Oh, we will? 143 00:07:49,490 --> 00:07:50,490 Yes, like a goat. 144 00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:53,330 Oh, we could do with another sheep. 145 00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:54,610 Or a goat. 146 00:07:54,650 --> 00:07:58,370 Some more hens. Or a goat. Perhaps a couple of pigs. 147 00:07:58,710 --> 00:07:59,629 Perhaps a goat. 148 00:07:59,630 --> 00:08:01,370 And we'd certainly need a new cart horse. 149 00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:02,830 What about a goat? 150 00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,870 Are you mad you couldn't get a goat to pull that big cart? 151 00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:11,120 Here. Can't sit around you. Where are you going? 152 00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:13,860 I'm going to inspect the new heifer. Well, you can't, actually. 153 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:18,480 Can't? Has that druid's fluid gone to your head or something? Vic, would you 154 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,820 that you and me are very good friends, would you? 155 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:23,700 How much? 156 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,860 I don't want anything. I've just got a confession to make, you see. 157 00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:30,400 What have you been up to now? 158 00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,679 This is the funniest thing. 159 00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:36,580 Yes, 160 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:37,679 it is. 161 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:38,679 Oh, no, it isn't kidding. 162 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:39,960 Yes, yes, go on. 163 00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:43,220 Well, it happened last night, you see. Yes, what happened? 164 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,640 Well, as you know, I'd had a few. 165 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,660 Yes, should we say pints or barrels? Well, it doesn't really matter how much, 166 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:51,540 but I was a bit hazy. Hazy? Yes. We could say paralytic and leave it at 167 00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:57,100 Paralytic. My mind was definitely paralysed, and I just was of unsound 168 00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:58,380 that's when it happened. What happened? 169 00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:01,080 Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Well, come on, you're making hard 170 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,080 of it, Sid. 171 00:09:10,209 --> 00:09:11,370 Have a look in there. 172 00:09:11,630 --> 00:09:12,670 Michelle? Yeah, go on. 173 00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:34,510 Sidney? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 174 00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:37,390 There's a dirty great goat in there. 175 00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:40,770 Yeah, I bet you're wondering what it's doing in there. 176 00:09:41,670 --> 00:09:43,430 I know what it's doing in there, Sidney. 177 00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:45,870 This is what it's doing in there. 178 00:09:47,410 --> 00:09:50,750 Yeah, well, it's a nice little goat, isn't it? Yes, if you like goats. 179 00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:52,230 Whose is it? 180 00:09:56,910 --> 00:09:57,910 Ours. 181 00:09:58,410 --> 00:09:59,410 Ours? 182 00:09:59,630 --> 00:10:02,270 Can't be ours. It's ours, yes. 183 00:10:03,390 --> 00:10:04,510 Change the heifer for it. 184 00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:11,150 That's very good, Sid. 185 00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:12,590 Very good. 186 00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:15,350 Tell me it isn't true. 187 00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:17,830 I'll tell you it isn't, but it is. 188 00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:23,990 Of all the ignorant, stupid, illiterate, drunken, irresponsible... 189 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:27,350 Wait, 190 00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:30,910 don't do something you're going to regret. 191 00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:32,150 I won't regret it, Sidney. 192 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,880 The abolished capital punishment, you know. No, no. You yourself said I was 193 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,980 paralytic and I didn't know what I was doing. Yes, you're more than paralytic 194 00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:40,280 with whom I finished with you. Now, then, who do you make this swap with? 195 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:40,999 Tom Nelson. 196 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:45,380 Oh, well, you find old Tom Nelson and you make a re -swap. I can't. He won't 197 00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:47,040 even give me the shoes back, never mind about the heifer. 198 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,540 Well, that's marvellous, isn't it? 199 00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:49,780 Ha, ha, ha. 200 00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,380 Eighty -five quid on the clock. 201 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:56,420 Well, I mean, it's not really up to spout, is it? You know, I mean, we've 202 00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,580 got the goat, don't we? I mean, we could sell the milk. 203 00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:01,780 Knowing you, Sidney, that is probably a billy goat. 204 00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:04,150 Well, if it is, he's got something very funny hanging down. 205 00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:08,290 That is his beard. 206 00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:10,270 Oh. 207 00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:12,230 Oh. 208 00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:16,790 Anyway, I think we'll just have to hang on a bit till we get our new effort. 209 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:18,030 Oh, no, we won't. 210 00:11:18,270 --> 00:11:21,410 Because I'm going to the market today, and I'm going to buy another. 211 00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:23,170 I thought we had no more money. 212 00:11:23,410 --> 00:11:24,590 I'll trade in one of our cows. 213 00:11:25,170 --> 00:11:28,230 What are you talking about? We're farmers, not second -hand cattle. You 214 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,230 trade in cows. 215 00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:30,310 Of course you do. 216 00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:33,620 Oh, yes, second -hand heifer in Goodnick, only done 18 ,000 gallons. 217 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,640 Well, for your information, you ignoramus, that's exactly what you do. 218 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:42,640 Yes. Once a cow's milk yield decreases over a certain period, you train it for 219 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,260 young heifer, and that is what I am going to do. 220 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:49,560 And that is what you are not going to do. You are not trading in one of my 221 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:50,800 Your cows? 222 00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:52,260 They're our cows. 223 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,580 I look after those cows, and they are personal friends of mine. 224 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,700 And you are not going to get rid of one just because it happens to be getting on 225 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:01,840 a bit. Sidney, we are not running a home for old cows. 226 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,500 For once in your life, be practical. 227 00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:07,500 Those cows are staying right where they are. 228 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:09,519 All right. 229 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,040 Right. Right. Right. All right. 230 00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:13,880 We forget all about it, huh? 231 00:12:14,140 --> 00:12:16,980 Forget it. Forget it. 85 quid. Forget it. Just forget it, huh? 232 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:19,840 We do not fall. 233 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,120 There's work to be done, Sidney. Work? Yes, work. 234 00:12:23,580 --> 00:12:26,320 Sometimes I think that's the only four -letter word you don't know. 235 00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:27,700 Eh? 236 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,420 And I think some of your personal friends are out there waiting to be 237 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:36,380 your cow shed's waiting to be cleaned, the pigsty's polished, and the stable's 238 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,380 shined. 239 00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:38,980 Is that all? 240 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,760 You sure wouldn't like me to shampoo the sheep? 241 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:44,300 What are you going to do? 242 00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:46,460 I might boil myself an egg. 243 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:50,740 Well, mind you don't tire yourself out, won't you? Sidney, after what you've 244 00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:52,540 done today, you get out there and finish that work. 245 00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,660 Because I'll be out there in a minute and inspect it. 246 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000 Move! 247 00:12:56,860 --> 00:13:02,400 I think I committed a blimmin' crime or something. 248 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,420 After all, I am a blimmin' terrorist. 249 00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:07,860 Come on, Billy. 250 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:09,820 Come on. 251 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,740 Come on, he doesn't appreciate us at all. 252 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,840 Come on. 253 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:37,320 Oh, that lazy layabout is sneaking a crafty little smoke, is he? 254 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,280 Well, let's see then. 255 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,660 Yes, let's just see, eh? 256 00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:47,260 Shall we have a little, a little walk? 257 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,440 Yes, I think we will. 258 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,380 We will indeed. 259 00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:11,190 Stand by for heavy showers. 260 00:14:12,870 --> 00:14:14,710 Hey, turn it off. What's going on? 261 00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:16,830 Hey! 262 00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:20,210 What's going on? 263 00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:09,010 try it all, sir. Yeah, no thanks to you. 264 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:12,250 I tell you it wasn't my fault. Yeah, so you keep saying. 265 00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:13,609 What's the matter? 266 00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:14,610 You got a sore throat? 267 00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:18,070 No. Trying to shift the taste of this diabolical stuff Vic gave me. Ah. 268 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:19,369 Good Lord. 269 00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:20,370 What's the matter? 270 00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:21,410 Your tongue. 271 00:15:21,490 --> 00:15:22,490 It's green. 272 00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:23,830 Is it? 273 00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:27,490 It is. 274 00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:29,610 This is blooming Jewish fluid. 275 00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:33,490 God only knows what it's doing to my stomach. Where is it? 276 00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,730 Oh, your partner? Yeah. He's gone to the market. Market? 277 00:15:36,030 --> 00:15:38,050 Yeah, he's taken one of your heifers to the cattle auction. 278 00:15:38,630 --> 00:15:39,630 Cattle auction? 279 00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:41,070 That's right. Which heifer did he take? 280 00:15:41,370 --> 00:15:42,490 The black and white Friesian. 281 00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:44,750 Fanny? Yes, Richard. 282 00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:47,550 Poor old cow. 283 00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:51,370 I hope she gets a good home. 284 00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:55,010 Home? Yes, she's going on her next farm. 285 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,970 Your heifer hasn't gone to a farm. Where's she gone to? Gone to the 286 00:15:58,970 --> 00:15:59,970 slaughterhouse. 287 00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,350 Slaughterhouse? For rissoles. 288 00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:05,950 Over my dead body. 289 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:13,110 Hey, what are we stopping for? I thought you were in a hurry to stop your heifer 290 00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:13,989 being sold. 291 00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:15,770 One minute, matey. Yeah, where are you going? 292 00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:22,950 I have just had about six quarts of lemonade to try and shift the taste of 293 00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:23,869 druid's fluid. 294 00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:24,990 Now, where do you think I'm going? 295 00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:30,290 Hey, you can't park here. You're on a yellow line, and the police in Fletchley 296 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,290 are pretty keen. 297 00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:34,380 about the cops, matey. They've all got their price. Half a quid and they forget 298 00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:35,380 anything. 299 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,820 What a model citizen. 300 00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:43,940 Good afternoon, sir. 301 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,480 Good afternoon, officer. 302 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,240 You driving this car, sir? 303 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:49,740 Well, hardly from this position. 304 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,680 Who is the driver, sir? 305 00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:56,460 Mr. Turner. 306 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,960 Oh, yes. I've met him. 307 00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:01,140 Do they usually park on the yellow line in London? 308 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:06,119 Yeah, well, he won't be a minute. He's just gone to the... Good afternoon, 309 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:07,980 officer. Good afternoon, sir. 310 00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:09,900 Are you aware that you're illegally parked? 311 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,400 Oh, I'm very sorry. I hadn't noticed. 312 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,020 Could I see your driving licence, please? Yes, why not? 313 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,240 There's a Tim Bob note in here, sir. 314 00:17:24,579 --> 00:17:25,579 Is there really? 315 00:17:25,619 --> 00:17:26,720 I wonder how that got there. 316 00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:30,220 I wonder. 317 00:17:30,330 --> 00:17:31,870 Your insurance certificate, sir. Yes. 318 00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,030 There's another ten shilling note in here, sir. 319 00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:43,550 Give it away. 320 00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:46,350 Logbook? Yes, yes, hang on. 321 00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:52,810 Well, well. 322 00:17:53,050 --> 00:17:54,050 The jackpot. 323 00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:56,530 Very good. 324 00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:59,760 You leave your money all over the place, don't you, sir? Yes, I'm very careless 325 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,340 with it. Well, it's only money, isn't it? 326 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,580 Shall we forget the old thing, then? 327 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:04,800 I'm sorry, sir. 328 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,600 I've got to stop Victor selling fanny. 329 00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:12,500 I beg your pardon, sir? 330 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:15,140 Well, Victor is selling fanny because I bought nanny. 331 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,660 You're not white slavers, are you? 332 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,380 Look, Caswell, let me explain. 333 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,380 Fanny's a Friesian and nanny's a... 334 00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:26,330 Thank you very much. Oh, I see it all now. Quite plain. 335 00:18:27,170 --> 00:18:28,170 Blow into that. 336 00:18:32,290 --> 00:18:33,290 What for? 337 00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:34,910 Don't argue. Blow. 338 00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,370 If you think I'm drunk, mate, you're dead wrong. All I've had today is 339 00:18:39,370 --> 00:18:40,370 fluid. 340 00:18:41,010 --> 00:18:43,210 Well, in that case, sir, you've got nothing to worry about. Blow. 341 00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:45,830 All right, I'll blow. 342 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:48,010 You're going to regret this, matey. 343 00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:50,070 I know a few people lie up, you know that? 344 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,610 Before you know it, I'll be pounding a beat again, you will. 345 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,680 I am pounding the beat again, sir. 346 00:18:55,180 --> 00:18:58,880 And I have to tell you that that bag must be inflated in one breath in not 347 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,260 than ten and not more than twenty seconds. 348 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:06,200 One, two, three, four, five... 349 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,160 Good Lord! 350 00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:10,780 What's the matter? 351 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,000 Crystal's gone green? 352 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,880 The old bloody bag's gone green. 353 00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:21,620 Hello? Conservative Club? 354 00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:23,510 Could I speak to Dr. Molyneux, please? 355 00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:24,850 Thank you. 356 00:19:26,310 --> 00:19:27,430 Hello. That's you, Brian. 357 00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:31,210 Brian, I wonder if you could get down to the station. Only we've got a right 358 00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:32,210 Bobby Dazzler here. 359 00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:33,970 Yes. 360 00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:37,690 Talk about checking to see how much alcohol he's got in his blood. I think 361 00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:40,050 be easy to check how much blood he's got in his alcohol. 362 00:19:42,910 --> 00:19:46,190 No, he won't take the blood test, so I'm giving him the other one. 363 00:19:47,430 --> 00:19:48,430 Right. 364 00:19:48,990 --> 00:19:49,990 Any luck, sir? 365 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:52,500 No. 366 00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:56,040 Sir, you're not really trying. 367 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,780 Of course I'm trying. I'm doing my best. 368 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,180 I told you I'd had nothing to drink. 369 00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:04,600 Oh, we don't know that, do we, until we make the test. And we can't make the 370 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,760 test until we get a sample, and we can't get a sample of gin. Yes, yes, yes, all 371 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:08,760 right. 372 00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:11,460 I'm sorry, but you can't get blood out of a stone. 373 00:20:12,220 --> 00:20:13,620 It's not your blood we're after. 374 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,880 You know what I mean. 375 00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:17,380 You can have the blood test if you want to. 376 00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:19,560 You're getting none of my blood, matey. 377 00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:22,020 Well, at the moment, we're not getting anything at all, are we? 378 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:25,660 Well, I keep telling you, Donald, I had already been. 379 00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:27,780 It's not a tap, you know. 380 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:30,899 That's the point. 381 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:34,340 Would you like me to run a little bit of water in the basin? It might encourage 382 00:20:34,340 --> 00:20:35,340 you a bit. 383 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,720 No, thank you. 384 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,120 Well, shall I whistle? 385 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:44,660 Don't bother. 386 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:49,830 Well, I wish you'd hurry up, sir, only the wife's got the dinner on. 387 00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:54,130 Trouble is, you're too tense. Try and relax a bit. 388 00:20:54,650 --> 00:20:56,710 I nearly did it, then. Why don't you step up? 389 00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,950 Well, I'll keep quiet if it'll help, yes. 390 00:21:06,470 --> 00:21:07,470 Thank you. 391 00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:15,670 Officer? Yes, sir? 392 00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:16,970 Got a match? 393 00:21:23,790 --> 00:21:24,790 Nice to see you. 394 00:21:31,170 --> 00:21:32,170 Right, 395 00:21:33,270 --> 00:21:34,850 Constable, roll your sleeve up. 396 00:21:35,510 --> 00:21:36,830 No, it's not me. 397 00:21:38,870 --> 00:21:40,030 It's the other fellow. 398 00:21:40,350 --> 00:21:41,350 The other fellow? 399 00:21:41,690 --> 00:21:44,670 I'm sure there was only one of you when I came in here. 400 00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:48,710 Ah, there you are. Roll your sleeve up. Get away from me, you vampire. 401 00:21:49,130 --> 00:21:53,410 No, let me... Feigning to comply... of the test is taken to be an admission of 402 00:21:53,410 --> 00:21:56,030 guilt. I keep telling you I am not guilty. 403 00:21:56,230 --> 00:21:57,229 No, it won't hurt. 404 00:21:57,230 --> 00:21:59,830 Hold his arm, officer. Just a minute. Hang on a minute. 405 00:22:00,670 --> 00:22:01,670 You've been drinking. 406 00:22:02,690 --> 00:22:06,010 Officer, I'm surprised at you drinking on duty. Not him, you! 407 00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:08,830 How did you get here? 408 00:22:09,190 --> 00:22:10,190 By car. 409 00:22:11,670 --> 00:22:13,870 That's nice, isn't it? The police doctor, look at that. 410 00:22:14,070 --> 00:22:16,850 I demand you give him a breathalyser right away. It is a drunken driver, if 411 00:22:16,850 --> 00:22:19,270 I show one. You don't understand, sir. You see, I don't drive myself. 412 00:22:19,820 --> 00:22:21,260 My wife drives me everywhere. 413 00:22:21,580 --> 00:22:26,860 Yeah, but I still don't think I make that... There you are, darling. 414 00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:31,020 Your little tiggy -winkle's getting very thirsty out there. 415 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:39,260 If you'd made it a couple of quid, we wouldn't have had all this trouble in 416 00:22:39,260 --> 00:22:40,260 first place. 417 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:45,960 Thank you. 418 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:49,180 Ah, Mr... 419 00:22:49,390 --> 00:22:49,909 Thank heavens. 420 00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:53,090 I found you. Mr Carter, have a drink. No, no, no, thank you. I've come to warn 421 00:22:53,090 --> 00:22:54,069 you about Mr Turner. 422 00:22:54,070 --> 00:22:54,789 What's the matter? 423 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:57,070 I've left him at the police station. He's very upset about you selling one of 424 00:22:57,070 --> 00:22:57,589 his peppers. 425 00:22:57,590 --> 00:22:58,590 Police station? 426 00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:01,050 Is he having me arrested? No, no, no. He's just been cleared on a drunken 427 00:23:01,050 --> 00:23:04,190 driving charge. But he's asked the constable to stand by to charge him with 428 00:23:04,190 --> 00:23:05,450 justifiable manslaughter. 429 00:23:06,290 --> 00:23:07,290 Justifiable manslaughter? 430 00:23:07,910 --> 00:23:08,970 He sounds in a bad way. 431 00:23:09,390 --> 00:23:11,350 I'd better go before he comes. I haven't been in, all right? 432 00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:12,870 Sure. 433 00:23:13,730 --> 00:23:15,530 Murderer. No, no. Be reasonable, Sid. 434 00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:18,350 You've got a blimmin' cheat telling me to be reasonable after what you're doing 435 00:23:18,350 --> 00:23:24,350 to my fanny. Ah, you just... You're too sentimental, Sidney. Cows aren't pets. 436 00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:27,770 I mean, they're kept for milk, calves, meat, aren't they? Well, it's inhuman. 437 00:23:28,010 --> 00:23:29,990 You don't complain when you have a bit of steak, do you? 438 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,170 Well, that's different. I don't know who it is, do I? 439 00:23:32,970 --> 00:23:35,430 I tell you something, it won't happen anymore, because for all I know, it 440 00:23:35,430 --> 00:23:37,070 be a chunk of my fanny line on that plate. 441 00:23:38,530 --> 00:23:41,070 I'll get it back, don't you worry. How can you get it back? You haven't got the 442 00:23:41,070 --> 00:23:44,890 money. I'll find the money, maybe. Oh, Sid, come on, relax, eh? Look, I tell 443 00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:47,620 what... Have a little drink on me, right? On you? Yeah. Judas. 444 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,680 Well, I suppose it makes a change from water. 445 00:23:57,180 --> 00:23:58,059 Hello, Sid. 446 00:23:58,060 --> 00:23:59,120 You're back, then? Yes. 447 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:02,120 So's Fanny. You managed to buy her back, then? Oh, yes. She's in the barn. 448 00:24:02,380 --> 00:24:03,980 I don't understand. Where did you get the money from? 449 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,200 I sold our car. 450 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,320 Oh, I see. 451 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:07,679 You sold what? 452 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,980 That clapped -out old Morris. 453 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,500 That clapped -out old Morris is worth 250 quid. Enough to buy half a dozen 454 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:14,640 That's right. Come on. 455 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:19,280 There's your Uncle Victor. 456 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:20,960 There she is, this bunny. 457 00:24:21,220 --> 00:24:22,220 Lulu. 458 00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:24,420 Dusty. Hello, Evie. 459 00:24:24,740 --> 00:24:25,840 And that's Sandy.